Praying Through the Deeper Issues of Marriage

About a week ago, I started reading a book titled “Praying Through the Deeper Issues of Marriage“. This book could not have come at a better time, considering we are going through a series called “Love & Sex” at my local church.

I am not that far into the book yet, but I have already gleaned several nuggets of information that I thought I would pass along. One statement in the book said: “The truth is, people cannot make someone else change” Never is that more true than in a marriage. A wife cannot change her husband. A husband cannot change his wife. {But God can change both}

How many times have you heard the statement, “we have issues in our marriage.” The problem is we always seem to think the issue is with the other person and never with ourselves. It says in the book, that it helps to understand exactly what issues are. Knowing the definition of “issues” makes resolving them seem more reasonable and attainable.

To take issue with your spouse means to have a difference of opinion with him (her). “An issue is a point that is disputed. It is a matter that has to be decided. It is a question that has to be answered in a way that is acceptable to both parties. Having an issue means you have entered into a disagreement or a conflict over something. It is a particular point that you do not agree upon.

“It takes Three to agree” In order for a marriage to not only survive, but also to be fulfilling and successful, there needs to be three parties involved: the husband, the wife and God. The reason marriages have issues in the first place is because every married couple is made up of two imperfect people. One imperfect human plus another imperfect human equal one imperfect marriage. However, if you add the presence of a perfect God into this imperfect mix of two imperfect people, you then have unlimited possibilities for growing closer to the perfection God intended for the marriage relationship. “You and your spouse can agree about something, but it can still be an issue if God doesn’t agree with it.”

“Sixteen Ways To Destroy Your Marriage“

1. Stop communicating openly and honestly.
2. Be consistently angry, selfish, rude and abusive.
3. Refuse to forgive your spouse for any offense, no matter how small.
4. Stay depressed and negative as much as possible.
5. Convince your spouse that your children are far more important to you than he (she) is.
6. Be consistently lazy and refuse to do much around the house or on your job.
7. Spend money foolishly and continually run up great debt.
8. Give place to addictions or annoying habits and defend your right to have them.
9. Don’t care about what your spouse needs sexually as long as you get what you want.
10. Habitually look at explicit films, magazines, or advertising and compare your husband (wife) to the glorified images you see there, and especially mention others whom you find more attractive.
11. Allow your heart to grow hard toward your husband (wife) and refuse to ever say “I’m sorry,” “Forgive me,” or “I forgive you.”
12. Make something other than God and your spouse your top priority.
13. Threaten to get a divorce every time something comes up between you and your sppouse that needs to be worked out.
14. Have an affair or entertain an obsession of the heart over someone other than your husband (wife).
15. Move out of the home and don’t try to reconcile your differences.
16. Give up and refuse to believe that God is a God of miracles who can restore love and hope.

Well, that I think is enough for this post, I hope some of it might help. As I read through the rest of the book, I will continue to post things that jump out and catch my eye and heart strings.

Back in action!

Hello,

It has been a very long time since I last posted to my blog. Many things have happened since April of last year, most of which are just noise in my life. Right now, I am moving forward and hopefully settling back down into a managable life routine.

One of my huge goals for this year is to follow through on my journaling and keeping up with my web sites and blog posts. God is moving my life in new directions, and sometimes it can be a little unsettling and scary. However, in saying that, I MUST put my faith and trust in Him and know that He knows my every need before I even think of it.

I am so greatful that I belong to a Church where I have some true friends and where I know I can turn to in times of need. I have such a wonderful church family, and my wife and I have really come to love them very much. We feel so down and distant when we are not there, and I suppose that is the best feeling we could ever ask for, to help keep our priorities straight.

God Bless everyone who reads this blog and I pray whatever content is out here, that it help you in some way or be able to be a reference for someone you might know that needs to be lifted up in life. Jesus Christ is my Lord and the leader of my life and my family and no other name is above His.

Thank you Lord for guiding and protecting me and for giving me life and all that is abundantly a part of it.

What is true friendship according to the Bible?

Answer:
The LORD Jesus Christ gave us the definition of a true friend in John.
“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for
his friends. Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.
Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what
his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I
have heard of my Father I have made known unto you” (John 15:13-15).
Jesus is the pure example of a true friend for He laid down His life
for His “friends.” What is more, “who so ever will” may become His
friend by trusting in Him as their personal savior, being born again
and receiving new life in Him.

Jesus also gave a parable concerning friendship in Luke. “And he said
unto them, Which of you shall have a friend, and shall go unto him at
midnight, and say unto him, Friend, lend me three loaves; For a friend
of mine in his journey is come to me, and I have nothing to set before
him? And he from within shall answer and say, Trouble me not: the door
is now shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot rise and give
thee. I say unto you, Though he will not rise and give him, because he
is his friend, yet because of his importunity he will rise and give him
as many as he needeth. And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given
you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.
For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and
to him that knocketh it shall be opened” (Luke 11:5-10).

In other words not even friendship could move this person to open the
door in the middle of the night but the “importunity” or the
persistence of the knocker persuaded the friend to open to him. The
lesson here is that some times human friendships have their limitations
and that persistence reaps benefits.

There is an example of true friendship between David and Saul’s son
Jonathon, who in spite of his father Saul’s pursuit of David and
attempts to kill him, stood by his friend. You will find that story in
1 Samuel chapter 18 through chapter 20. Some pertinent passages are 1
Samuel 18:1-4; 19: 4-7; 20:11-17, 41-42.

Proverbs is another good source of wisdom regarding friends. “17 A
friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity”
(Proverbs 17:17). “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly:
and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother” (Proverbs
18:24). The issue here is that in order have a friend one must be a
friend. “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an
enemy are deceitful” (Proverbs 27:6). “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man
sharpeneth the countenance of his friend” (Proverbs 27:17).

I am also reminded of the principle found in Amos. “Can two walk
together, except they be agreed” (Amos 3:3). Friends are of like mind.
The truth that comes from all of this is that friendship is that
relationship that is entered into by individuals and it is only as good
or as close as those individuals choose to make it. Some one has said
that if you can count your true friends on the fingers of one hand, you
are blessed. A friend is one whom you can be yourself with and never
fear that they will judge you. A friend is someone that you can confide
in with complete trust. A friend is someone you respect and that
respects you, not based upon worthiness but based upon a likeness of
mind.

Finally, I must return to the real definition of a true friend. “For
scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good
man some would even dare to die. But God commendeth his love toward us,
in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:7-8).
“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for
his friends” (John 15:13). Now, that is true friendship!

http://www.gotquestions.org/

Blessings

I am truly blown away by the generosity of others and how God always seems to find a way to include my wife and me. My wife had been out of town for a few days in California helping her mother through eye surgery. It is a good thing to have some short separation periods, but I certainly had been missing her and was ready for her to return. She finally came home Sunday night, (actually Monday morning with all the flight delays) to my awaiting arms.

During her journey to return home, she encountered a lady in the airport in Sacramento who was traveling on the same flight as her. Through several exchanges, this lady ended up giving her a magazine to read while on the flight. Unaware of her final destination, my wife befriended this lady and made small conversation with her, which is the essence of who my wife is.

Well, as it turned out, this lady was bound for the same destination (KC) as my wife. This is where the story kind of takes on a cool twist. As we were waiting to gather the luggage at the KC Airport, my wife again encountered this lady. Being the observant woman that she is, my wife could tell that she had a problem and needed help.

As it turns out, she was traveling alone and was told that there would be a shuttle for her to take from the airport to her hotel in Overland Park. But, due to the delays in their flights, and it being so late the shuttles were gone for the night. The only other option was for her to take a taxi from the airport all the way to overland park at 12:30am. By the way, did I mention that this lady was 75 years old and traveling alone?

My wife and I talked and decided to offer her a ride since we were generally going in that direction anyway. Usually I am very reluctant to offer to travel with people I do not know, especially in our current relevant times. But we both had a calming sense about taking her to overland park, so we set off on our journey.

Turns out, this lady was in town to play tennis (did I mention she was 75 years old) for the week. She has been an avid tennis player for most of her life and teaches tennis back in California. We talked about her husband and her life back in California and her and my wife had many things in common. It was very nice to see my wife so happy and jovial when talking to this lady, it was a side of her I had not seen in a while.

We ended up showing her were the restaurants and shopping areas were around her hotel, and then we gave her a quick tour of the Sprint Campus before dropping her off. She had heard about the Sprint Campus, and stated she would like to see it in person. Since we were right there, we just gave her the 60 second tour and hopefully did it justice in her mind. It’s amazing that she heard about the Sprint Campus all the way out in California.

This is where the neat part comes in. I received an email Tuesday afternoon from a really good friend offering me 4 tickets and a parking pass to the Royal’s baseball game that very evening. Being apart from Pat for the past several weeks and having not really spent much one on one time together, it was a blessing for us to get some time out together.

I am not really sure that these two events are related or connected in any manner whatsoever, but it is just way to coincidental to not think of it that way. Either event could have happened without the other and it still would be a great gift from God, but having them both together just proves that making the right decisions and always having a heart for other people is what life is all about.

I am very thankful to my friend for offering us this night out, it was good for us. But the best part was helping this lady, with no expectation of gaining anything in return. She tried several times to pay for the gas and to give us money for dinner, but we respectfully refused and would not take anything. The reality for us was it was about 20 miles and maybe 40 minutes out of our way, which was not even an inconvenience whatsoever. For her, she probably saved $75 to $100 in taxi fees, not to mention being scared from not knowing where she was going or with whom. We did everything we could to make her feel warm and welcome and I think my wife certainly does that very well.

All in all, we know this was a good thing we did and even had we not been offered the tickets, we know we did the right thing. If I could pass on a message about this experience, it would be to let your heart lead you and know that God is with you always. Take time to show others that they matter and that God is relevant and cares about everyone. Do it because it is right and reflective of Christ, and not because you expect to gain something in return.

BTW, through various conversation topics, it turns out this lady is a Christian. We talked about our faith and our church and how God has truly blessed us and placed us on a good journey.

For His Glory,

Christian Success Tips

Here are a few helpful tips I thought made sense and that I could easily apply… These were written by Sean Mize, Christian entrepreneur and Christian time management author… Read through them, and if they make sense in your life, apply them… If these do not fit into your life plan, then just forget them and continue the journey to seek other ways to improve your health, relationships and life in general… Joshua 1:7-9

10 Steps to Christian Success

1) Spend time with Jesus Christ every single day. I cannot stress that enough for the success minded Christian. So often we spend our time working on things that have no bearing on our future Christian success (nor any current success value) because we haven’t taken the time to focus and understand what Jesus Christ wants for our lives and our success.

2) Study the Word and discover what the top five (or six) Christian success priorities in your life should be. For example, for you it might be: Christ, spouse, children, work, retirement. For another, it might be: Christ, a hobby, work, retirement, missions work. And for yet another: Christ, spouse, work, a hobby, physical fitness. For each of you, Christian success priorities might be a little different in the number 4, 5, or (6) spots, but the first two or three are probably Christ and family. Once you know your success priorities, you are ready for step 3)

3) Develop a “progress plan” for each of your areas of top success priority. When you look at your life six months from now, especially in these areas of success priority, you should be further along and better adapted in each of these areas than you are today. Look back six months ago. Have you improved in each of your success priority areas? If not, you need to take action. Now.

4) Find a Christian success mentor. This success mentor should be someone who can be concerned primarily for your personal growth in these areas of success priority. They should be able to listen to your success priorities, help you develop a game plan for meeting them, and be able to criticize you when you aren’t doing what you game plan to do. Because of that, they should probably perhaps be someone from a small group at church or someone recommended to you by your pastor.

5) Break each of your success priorities down into individual goal steps. These “steps” should be small enough that you can focus on that one step at a time and they shouldn’t be too hard to accomplish individually, and yet when you have completed all of the steps you have gained significant ground in your priority for the given period, e.g. six months.

6) Write down all of your success priorities and your goal steps for accomplishing them. Leave room next to each goal step to write the date you started the goal step and the date you finished it. At the end of the six months (and during it too) you will be able to specifically track your progress.

7) Eliminate unnecessary things in your life which do not help you accomplish your success priorities. Try unplugging the TV three nights a week until your success priorities are accomplished. Have an “email free” day of the week. Take Sunday off from everything. If the telephone is an incessant nuisance, turn it off two nights a week.

Evaluate your rest…are you getting enough sleep? What can you do to get more sleep? What about recreation (non-TV)? Are you walking, hiking, reading, meeting with friends regularly? Are you spending enough time with your family without interruptions by the phone or work? Do what it takes to get rest and recreation and include the family in this step.

9) Evaluate your success regularly. There isn’t much that substitutes for assessing your progress last week and making goals for the coming week. Sure, some weeks you will fall short, but in others you will easily meet your personal success expectations. As you follow these 10 steps, setting success priorities, making goal steps, and following through on all of it will get easier.

10) Just do it! Start somewhere, start today! Don’t just close this page and forget all this! You took the time to read this; if you do nothing with it you will continue to fall short of your own personal expectations.

Written by: Sean Mize, Christian entrepreneur and Christian time management author.